Beauty and the Beast Revealed
by BroadwayStar77
Summary: Beauty and the Beast like you've never read before! Complete
1. Default Chapter

Beauty and the Beast Parody  
  
Disclaimer: I really didn't want to do any more of these because I thought they were horrible *lots of my friends hated them*, but several reviewers had requested it, so blame them, not me. My friend, Kurt, wanted to help me with some of these, but I found that his mind was far too perverted to create any kind of FanFiction, which, if posted, would probably tarnish my reputation, (if the other Disney stories haven't already, that is.) I don't own any characters, songs, or anything at all to do with Disney. Wish I did, but I don't. If I do anything that would give you cause to sue me, you're wasting time because I own nothing, or nothing that would interest you. Enjoy!  
  
P.S - I'm running out of fairy tales that amuse me. If you want me to ruin any other fairy tale/Disney movie, send me your ideas in the reviews. *I had to do Beauty and the Beast because it's my friends' favorite Disney movie and I had to ruin it for them. :)  
  
Once upon a time, there lived a mysterious narrator whose voice could be heard throughout the beginning of the movie. (I am not this narrator.) His name was Marvin and he spent most of his time describing what people did in their lives. To date, he had about 29495439 restraining orders from everybody in the French village that he "lived in". (I guess his certified profession could be stalker.) The only person who really didn't care, although he should have, was the Prince who lived in a castle beyond the forest. I'll give you Marvin's account, as well as some of my own, of the Prince's story, which is what our story is about.  
  
"One upon a time there was a Prince who lived in an enchanted castle. (Okay, has Marvin been smoking again?) Although he had everything his heart desired, he was not happy. (Duh.) One night, an old beggar woman came to the castle asking for shelter from the bitter cold in exchange for a single rose. (Even I would have turned her out. *Gasp from readers* I mean, even I'm not that heartless.) The Prince turned her away, but she told him not to be deceived by appearances, for beauty lies within. (Only ugly people say that. *Glare*) But when he turned her away again, her ugliness melted away and she changed into a beautiful enchantress. (I wish my ugliness would melt away.) The Prince tried to apologize, (Who wouldn't?), but it was too late, for she could see that (The writing was a bit unreadable here, so I'll improvise and say:) he had a cold heart. She cursed him, by making him a hideous beast, as well as the rest of the palace. (Once again readable.) The rose she offered him was truly an enchanted rose, which would bloom until his 21st year. (Uh huh. Marvin's a little too fond of the bottle.) If he could learn to love another and she loved him in return, the spell would be broken. (*Tear*...) As the years past, he lost all hope, for who could ever learn to love a beast."  
  
After that narration, the Prince/Beast became pretty pissed at Marvin, so he "ripped him apart with a fiery passion." (That was a direct quote I got.) Now we shall pick up with the story once again.   
  
Down in the village, there lived an extremely stunning girl named Belle, which was very ironic considering her name means "beautiful" in French. She was the daughter of a weirdo who invented useless things for his own pleasure. Belle was a bookworm who hated all the men in her village, because they spoke to her chest and only wanted something that she wasn't willing to give.   
  
One day, she was on her way to the bookshop when she noticed that everyone was speaking English, with the exception of a few words, and were talking about her behind her back. She didn't care however because as everyone burst into loud song about her, she began to sing about her stupid book, which made her very happy.   
  
Meanwhile, the most striking man in town, Gaston, was with his lackey, LeFou, and his three whores, who followed him devotedly. The whores, who weren't suppose to, feel in love with Gaston, and proceeded to drool all over him. Gaston himself was trying to figure out a way to score with Belle. He decided that even though he was the most sought after man, Belle was the hottest girl, so he might as well marry her.  
  
Gaston met up with Belle on her way home from the bookshop, and tried to impress her by throwing her book in a puddle. After insulting her father, Belle got pissed off, which made her hate men even more, and ran home to help her father with his latest project. She found him stuck in a barrel muttering something, and began to help him out.  
  
"Papa, do you think I'm odd?"  
  
"My daughter, odd? Where would you get an idea like that?"  
  
She held her tongue, hoping that oddness wasn't hereditary. Later, she helped her father on their horse, Philippe, as he made his way to a non-existent convention that he always talked about.  
  
Belle's father, Maurice, got lost trying to find the convention, and somehow ended up at the "enchanted" castle. The door "magically" opened and he found himself talking to candlesticks and clocks. They offered him a chair and some tea. The Beast came downstairs and was furious to find a wet, old man sitting on his best chair. Maurice was instantly thrown in the dungeon, much to the dismay of the household objects.  
  
Belle, meanwhile was at home, wondering when her father would stop wandering around the forest and come home claiming to win first place. There was a knock at the door, and Belle went to answer it. She thought it was her father asking if this was the right house again, but it was Gaston. He forced his way in, talking about marriage, children, and dogs. He then backed her up against the door, trying to grope her, but she threw him out of the house. She ran out the back door and began talking to chickens about how much she hated Gaston. As she lounged in a meadow, her horse Philippe came back without Maurice. Belle, somewhere between happy and guilt, finally mounted the horse in depression as they went off to find her father.  
  
They reached the castle, which didn't seem "enchanted" to Belle. She manually opened the door and was not greeted by anything. She found her own way to the dungeon where her father was evidently more delusional that usual. As he began singing "Bright Sunshiny Day", Belle was pinned down by someone. It was *The Beast*. She pleaded to let her father go and take her in his place.  
  
"I won't let him go! One: he's a threat to society. Look at him!"  
  
Belle turned around and saw her father grab his feet and rock back and forth. He had taken up a new song, "We are Special".  
  
"Two," continued the Beast. "I find him quite amusing sometimes. Unless you can top that, I think I'll keep him." Suddenly, the Beast began listening to nothing and nodding his head. "Alright, I'll let you stay if you promise to stay for-ev-er. For-ev-er. For-ev-er!"  
  
'Great,' thought Belle. "Alright, alright." 'Anything to get away from Gaston.'  
  
The Beast threw Maurice out the window and took Belle to her room.   
  
Back in the village, Gaston was in the tavern singing about himself to make himself feel better, when Maurice came flying through the roof. Everyone assumed it was another one of his experiments gone wrong, and so proceeded to ignore him. They were amused by the fact that we went on and on about Belle being kidnapped by a monster. They threw the "drunk" out. Gaston devised a plan and called the local loony bin. The man who headed the insane asylum rushed over and heard how Gaston wanted to bribe Belle into marrying him by making her father look insane, not that he had to try very hard.  
  
Meanwhile, Belle swore to go hungry because looking at the Beast in general made her sick, so there was no way she was going to eat across from him! She wandered around as the household objects sang and danced for her. She wandered into a dark room and saw a shining rose held in midair.  
  
'How do they do that? Let's touch it!' Belle thought. But out of nowhere, the Beast appeared and chased Belle out of the room. Belle, followed by a trail of vomit from seeing the Beast decided that she had to leave for the sake of her health. Philippe appeared from out of no where and Belle hopped on. She was soon pursued by wolves, however, the Beast came to her rescue. He nearly died but Belle nursed him back to health. She soon found that he no longer repulsed her.  
  
They became "friends" and started dating. It was sweet. *Cough* Anyway, one night, the Beast was sure he was going to get some loving, when Belle began to sigh heavily. She told him that she missed her father. The Beast, dejected, showed her an 'enchanted' mirror that showed Maurice walking through the forest coughing hysterically. Belle began to cry saying that her father was far too stupid and ignorant to take care of himself. The Beast, pitying himself more than Maurice, decided to let her go in hopes of her coming back. Later, the clock walked in, hoping that the Beast had gotten something so that he would be less mean. Unfortunately, the Beast roared and the clock backtracked.  
  
Belle found her father and took him home. When he had woken up, she noticed something in her bag was moving. She found a teacup and it started speaking to her. Freaked out, she threw it against the wall and it shattered into a million pieces. Just then, Gaston and the head of the asylum came in and took her father away. She was somewhere between joy and extreme joy when they told her that the reason they were taking him away was because of his ramblings about a Beast. Belle told them that he was telling the truth. Gaston, disgusted at the fact that Belle had been influenced by her father, told the man to lock them in a cellar and that everyone should follow him to kill the Beast.  
  
The Beast, utterly depressed, watched everyone enter his home, and he turned around to be welcomed by an arrow in his arm. He sighed, pulled it out, and climbed on the roof. 'Not again,' he thought. Gaston followed him and began to fight with the Beast.  
  
Belle, cursing herself for breaking the teacup, finally realized that the villagers had forgotten to lock the door, and so rushed to the castle.  
  
She arrived to see Gaston dangling from the Beast's grasp. The Beast then saw Belle, and threw Gaston to the side. Belle came up to the Beast and tried to kiss him, but Gaston, being vain and jealous, stabbed the Beast while falling to his death.  
  
'Yes!' thought Belle, only to see that the Beast was dying as well.   
  
"I'm going to die, but at least I saw you one last time."  
  
"And that makes you happy? God, is that all you lived for?" she shouted at the lifeless body. "I at least loved you!"  
  
She stood to walk away and saw the body floating in the air beside her. 'Okay, this is pretty creepy.' Instantly, the Beast turned into an ugly Prince. He dragged Belle inside where they were married. Everything turned back to 'normal', and everyone was there, with the exclusion of the shattered teacup.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
The End!  
  
************************************************************************ 


	2. Author's Note

A/N - Wow. You guys actually liked this one. LOL I thought it was horrible. Well, that shows how much of a pessimist I am. I got a lot of response. 5 reviews!  
  
Booklover139 (Booklover139@yahoo.com) -  
  
I'm extremely flattered that you want to put my story on a website. Please, by all means do, as long as you won't plagiarize or claim it as your own, in which case I will get extremely upset.   
  
Ahem-  
  
I feel bad for the teacup, too, but as I was writing, that picture just came into my head and I started laughing hysterically.  
  
Incrediblecuznz -   
  
I agree, there isn't a lot of parody. That's why I'm doing this!  
  
Sandra Athrenael -   
  
Oh you know I love you! Is your enemy's name really Aurora? *evil smile* I promise to e-mail you. (Sure she does.) 


End file.
